Waning patience

Mon. 2 Nov.
Well, another week gone spent at home trying to get a job. Since I've last posted I've applied to a bunch more jobs online and have gone to the temp agency to try and find something for the time being. Went on an interview this past friday, dunno how that went yet; hopefully will find out soon.

This past weekend was halloween. Went over to my friend andrew's, it was a good time, I think he'd wished that he hadn't invited so many people over. I was Magikoopa from Super Mario Bros. Spent too much on the costume that I only wore for like 2 hours. Oh well, it kinda came out crappily, but I dressed up more than most at the party.

I applied to a Historian job today. It sounded pretty interesting and I am actually qualified for it. I actually got a little excited about it as I'm hoping I have a good chance for it. Unfortunately it is in Hawaii, a bit far away and it makes many thing very difficult including seeing family. I suppose that whereever I go it will make it difficult. We'll see, I may not even have to worry about it.

I would like to just forgo the temp job and move into something that I want to do, but I don't think that will happen as quickly as I would like. Not much I can do about that and I suppose I will just have to take it as it comes.
I'm going to see Brian and Jacob this weekend, so that will be good. I also have a career fair on Thursday. Again, we'll see how that goes...

I have to take it week by week, it's nerve wracking.

Home.

Oct. 16

So I was told that I had to write more in this blog. I suppose I should as it is usually a nice way to get some things off my chest and to update people that actually read this thing with what is going on in my life; especially those whom I do not talk to everyday.

If you didn't get it from the title, I am home. I've been home for about 2 1/2 weeks. It feels like it has been ages since I left Nottingham. It really does, it feels like at least a year. I'm missing out on all the fun stuff going on and all the cool people I got to hang around with practically everyday. As I said in my previous post; I don't think I will ever find a more inviting group of people who so quickly made me one of their own and had so much fun with. It was a fairly depressing day, the day I left. I had a knot in my stomach the whole day, and I was tempted numerous times to just not get on the plane. I knew that would not be in my best interest, but at that point I wasn't really sure I would care. My friend Stacey told me that it was okay for me to be sad, until I got on the plane; then I had to be happy to be heading home after a long journey.

I was happy to be going home, but it was just a hard couple of weeks to try and be both happy and sad at the same time. I was very happy to see my friends and family again. It is unfortunate however that a majority of my friends don't live very close to me (2+ hours away.) I have two, maybe three friends in my area of less than 30 minutes away. One goes about an hour 1/2 away for the week and comes home on the weekend and the other works during the week; this basically leaves the weekends. Which is fine, I just haven't found something to do during the week yet....aka job.

I've applied to a couple places and hopefully that will go in the direction that I am hoping. I have two paths and those are Gov't and teaching. I can see myself doing both, but right now it is a matter of which I can get into. Teaching means more school and Gov't is much harder to get into. So we'll see how that goes. For the time being I am toying between subbing and the temp agency. The temp agency is more likely to happen over the subbing as it pays more and I'll have something everyday rather than a maybe every morning getting woken up at 630 to see if I have something for the day or not....not the best of ideas. Early morning wake up call + kids who prolly won't listen to you + not a lot of money = not a happy camper Josh. I'm just hoping I don't screw up the applications for the gov't jobs... But as my mother says I should stay positive and give myself more credit than I do. Which is true; I don't give myself any credit at all.

Being at home is...different...I mean yes, I am 22, practically 23, and independant. But at home the atmosphere is so different than I am used to. I have a smaller space that is not necessary all mine, because I can't really do anything I want to it, and don't have as much room as I would like... such is life. I wouldn't mind getting my own place, but I am certainly not in a position to be able to afford that...again, such is life. I'm happy being home for now, but at a certain point I'm going to have to move on, move past it, and start my life. I look forward to having my own place; being able to put stuff together, have control over the design/looks of the place, and be able to do my own projects. If I want to rip out my bathroom, I could rip out my bathroom...I think if I did that here and my father, my mother more so, came home, they might have something to say about that. I like spending the quality time with the fam, but being home every night gets to be a bit rough and I'm not really used to it.

My room is in a state though...I still haven't unpacked my bag of misc. items yet. Mostly because I don't know what to do with all of it; things like posters, things that sit on your desk, and random assorted technical bits and bobs. Mehr. On top of that I have my Warhammer stuff out, and I have no where to put that stuff either, so it sits in the middle of my floor. I have too many books so those are stacked up on my bureau and too many clothes, so those are all tucked away somewhere.

I went to RI last week. It was a good time, visited all the professors and friends at RWU. There was some interesting goings on in that part of the trip, but I won't delve into that right now. Went to see Brian and Jacob over the weekend; really good time. Zombieland was amazing, we had coney island hot dogs and played some Warhammer. We went to King Richard's Fair. It was fun; expensive though. I shot some arrows...for 4$....threw some knives...for 3$...but it was a good time. Jacob played the emo kid and continuously wandered off...but we put him in his place, I think his mood is better now. There was always a caste we put ourselves in; which was mostly picking on Jacob. This was an earlier situation. Brian just makes fun of all of us, I try and make fun of Brian, usually fail, so I make fun of Jacob too. Jacob tries to make fun of both of us, but fails. I would put that into a graph or something, but that just would take up too much time. But anyway, we put that all behind us; Brian and I decided that we would make it so that routine was no longer followed, but Jake assumed that it would just be the same...so he was pre-emptively emo. That won't stay, we'll make sure of that.

But I feel this is a good enough update for the time being. I'm going to bed, past my usual 1030, which has been the time everyday this week.

Edit: I also decided to make the blog a bit more simple for the time being.

Done and almost done; almost home as well.

Well, I am done with my essay and done with my portfolio. I say this, but I still need to print/hand them in next week. This requires spending money to have them printed, then bound, then back to the library to pay off the 8 quid fine that I accrued on the first book that I took out from the library a year ago. Stupid short loan. That will all get done on Monday. On Tuesday I will have a week of chilling out time. I also have to figure out how I'm getting to the airport now...I had a ride, but he can no longer use the car that he was going to bring me in. So unless I put all the stuff on his back and we walk, it's of no use.

I realise I haven't written in a couple of weeks. Between the essay, Scotland, and the portfolio I just haven't had the time. I would really like to spend the next hour or so relating the good times that were had in Scotland, but I'm lazy. I can say however, that we had amazing weather, lots of whiskey, and some interesting moments. If anyone wants my suggestion of a good whiskey: Glenfarclas all the way. It's an actual independently owned distillery in Scotland (there are very few of those now). Talisker was somewhat of a disappointment, which was the main reason for wanting to get to Skye. But I got to Skye and I think we were all happy with it, except for the Midgeys. I'll post some pictures on my next post about it.

I have a strange vibe now that started around Tuesday. I think it was because Tuesday marked the two weeks left that I have here. And when I get off that Airplane in Boston, I will have no direct path forward; only me sitting in the middle of an intersection trying to figure out which way I am supposed to be going. Too bad it's not a roundabout? I can just keep going in circles till I figured it out, or hit something. I have this pit in my stomach that is constantly there telling me that in a matter of days I won't be here and I won't have this life that I have come to be so comfortable with over the past year. Even at RWU I don't think I was ever this comfortable with where I was and what I was doing. To be honest I wouldn't mind staying, but that requires me to get a job here, which is hard enough as it is. Sometimes I regret the decision of taking on so much student loans, but then again I wouldn't have stayed at RWU, wouldn't have gone to Italy, or Europe and I certainly would not have ended up here. I think all that debt is worth what I've done for the past 5 years. Unfortunately it was very easy for me to put the debt out of my mind before, but in 6 months I'll have the money man knocking at my door looking for a payout. I don't know how I'll handle that. It is unfortunate that I cannot somehow combine the life here and the life at home. If they made it cheaper to fly there and back it would be much more feasible for me to stay and feel better about it. But that won't happen.
I've moved around quite a bit in the past 5 years, even at RWU nothing really seemed to stay a constant. The past year I've felt cemented; it felt good. But now I'm uprooting myself again; throwing myself into yet another unknown circumstance. But it will be good to see my family and friends at home again; but I cannot stress enough how much I don't want to leave my friends here.

I'm tired of being stressed out about what I'm going to do next, where I'm going to be, and what I have to do. I'm about done with it and just want some down time to figure it all out without being pressed to go one way or another. I'm tired.

On a brighter note: I'm done with my MA :)

Fin

Well, yes. That means finished. I just finished it. Finally. Unfortunately I still have to read through it and do some grammatical checks to make sure everything sounds okay. But ARGGHHHH. and. whew. Now I can go to Scotland and relax. Peace out cub scouts. I'm leaving Sunday and I'll be back on Saturday.

Room closing

Well, I have until Saturday in this room. I'm happy to be leaving it. It has more or less become a place of annoyance and crankiness. I stopped liking my room about halfway through the summer. When I got lazy of making myself food and no one really entered my room all that much. I stopped being able to sleep easily and it was really hot. For a week I'll be in Scotland, sleeping on the ground, but I bet it will be the best sleep that I get for a few weeks now. I definitely needed a vacation. I wish though that I could get my paper done before I go, but that is not looking promising. But we'll see. If I push it the next three days I may be able to.

Hannah left for holiday on saturday. Sunday I didn't too much besides bring our karate tournament paperwork in. That was a long and hectic excursion... Went to the place that was closest to me that was open on sunday. Except the people had not met there in 18 months. It had taken me quite awhile to walk there. Then I waited around not knowing that these people were not coming. Finally found out and had to take a cab to the place we usually go to for karate to drop the paperwork off. On top of that paying an extra 6 quid for the 2nd event that we signed up for not knowing about the additional fee...whoops. It would have been much easier if the two people with cars were not busy that morning. oh well.

The library also was closed this weekend because it was a bank holiday weekend. So because I spent the day with Hannah on friday, thinking that I could wait until sunday to get the books I needed, I missed the opportunity to get them. Grr..

But I did go on an academic field trip today with Stu and James (C.) to the National Space Center aka Kids learn all about space building. It is basically built for children, but at first glance at the signs and the building you would think that it would be a place for adults and that they might actually have archival information dealing with the United Kingdoms space program, but no. We had a good time acting like 10 year olds and pressing every button, doing every little thing. The reason we went is that Stu is doing his dissertation for his BA on Blue Streak, which is a rocket that the British built.
Played snooker this evening as well....did not go well. Me and Stacey on a team vs James and Stu. Did not go well at all. I don't think stacey and I have ever played so poorly. Grr. I'll miss snooker when I'm gone. I don't think there are many snooker places around the area at home, but I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with pool.

I have about a month to go now. Final stretch almost, but not quite. I still have the rest of my paper to right, and a portfolio to do; a vacation in Scotlan, and much hanging out with friends will be needed before I feel ready to go. I will neeed quite a bit of that as it will be very hard to leave them all and I will want as much of them as I can get before I go...

Now this evening was mostly looking up jobs at home to apply to.

Library tomorrow, most of the day, will need a drink when I'm done.

Go Panic Driven Writing GO!

As mentioned above, yes, I am in a stage called panic driven writing. No I am in no way pressured for time to finish my dissertation; I have about a month left. It is mostly from the fact that I mentioned earlier that I want to finish it before I have to move out of my humble abode. I have about two weeks in which to finish all of the writing portion of my essay. At the end of last week that number stood at a solid halfway mark of 7500. Currently I am taking a break from my writing spree of two days where I have written about 2600 words and after I exit my break, I will continue to write some more. I intend to finish this section by the end of the day tomorrow, if not late this evening. I have about 2 1/2 sections left of this particular subsection before I finish, which leaves about 1000 to 15000 words left to write. Then I get to begin reading for the final section: The Black Prince. Now I only have a few bits and pieces of knowledge on this subject as at RWU I didn't take a single medieval history class...why is that? Oh yea. There was one class on it offered every three to four? years. Which I believe to be utterly ridiculous. This is what they thought: "I have an idea, lets have a history major that offers one ancient history and one medieval history class every three to four years, because this must be a very unimportant period of time where all of our major inspirations for everything afterwards did not occur!"
What I wouldn't give to have my PhD done and walk up to Dr. Potter and the dean and ask them to be reasonable and create it's own section, then move Prof. Stein over to religious studies where he really wants to be. I have nothing against the Jewish people, but why is it that every single Jewish history professor tries to teach either biblical history or the holocaust? There are other subjects, we all know you feel you were oppressed throughout the entire spectrum of history, but really, there are other parts of history that can be studied. Go study some asian history or something.

Autumn is hitting England currently. It is getting much cooler outside and many trees are starting to lose their leaves. The cool air invading the island is clashing with the warm air currently here and coming from the south and causing it to rain in the afternoons. Luckily it's not like Florida where it is hot and humid, then rains, and then gets a little cooler but even more humid. That would suck.

Also, no next comic coming until after I finish my dissertation. Sorry, I just want to get this thing done as quickly as possible. After I finish I still have to edit and do some touch ups and do the bibliography. Then I'll have to get it bound. Oh yea, then I have to do my portfolio which I haven't really even looks at yet. Hopefully that won't take me very long to do... Will be very annoying to do.

Went Go-Karting on Sunday. Was very fun. I have never been actual karting before. I have been in them before but they were not the type to go very fast in. These went upwards of 60 mph on this tiny track. I came in 5th out of the 13 that were there in our group. Hannah did beat me, which she still is gloating about and will most likely for eternity. But we were in the top 5 so huzzah for us. They all (aka Add) thought that I would do poorly, 'because I am American,' which is the reasoning perhaps for everything that I suck at according to many. heh. Anyways, we had a good time even though it was a bit pricey (36 pounds ick).

Next week while I finish up writing the last section I will be packing my things away and moving slowly over to Hannah, Malex, and Sam's for the last duration of my stay here.

Guess I should go back to work... but maybe I'll make some dinner first? Hmmm.

The most unproductive week.

Has been this week!
I have written a total of about 100 - 200 words of this section. Whammy. Ouch. Yeah. I know, you're asking yourself: What the hell has he been doing all week? Well, I've gotten up for the past four days, excluding today, at about 2. The reason? I've gotten to sleep at about 4-5 in the morning. My sleep clock is all sorts of messed up. It has stretched into the week before it as well, but last week it was not as bad. So I started taking some stuff last night and I realized I'll have to take it a bit earlier than I did, but it should work okay. I woke up about 3 hours earlier, not feeling that I hate the world as much heh.

You can always tell it's a bad week by what you think when you are getting ready to go to sleep and when you wake up. If it's the same sentiment of I hate sleep or I hate everything or sleep is for the weak anyways; then it's most likely a bad week. The whole key of a bad week is what you do after you wake up. Shower of course because it's like an auto-pick me up. (Pick-me-ups....reminds me of Super Mario RPG back in the day....) But after that is important as well. Not only do you have to shower but you have to do everything associated with it as part of this morning routine of getting out of your bad mood. Some people like to just open the window and look outside, take a breath of fresh air. Others like to sit and enjoy a nice hot cup of coffee in front of the television or newspaper. Well. I for one can't look out the window and get into a good mood, as my housing looks like a prison; they don't really do good coffee here; and I do not have a television or newspaper. (That was one of the biggest mistakes I think I made, not buying a tv. Ive found that it does help me go to sleep, a little... that and I like watching the news on occasion.)
So you ask yourself now? What does he do to get himself out of a bad mood? Well, I walk outside and club baby seals...no no I don't. Usually I go and I grab a Dr. Pepper and take a walk outside of this lame living space.

Production levels are pretty low this week as I've said. I'm in a rut in that I just cannot seem to figure out how to start writing this section. But next week is a new week and I'm sure it will be much more productive. It will have to be. I'll have 2 weeks to have it done by the time I wanted it done. That leaves me with one week to do the first section and another week to do the last.

Hmmm.

I need to clean my room again.